Welcome to our wedding day guide. It is quite often assumed that the bride’s father picks up the bill for the whole event. Whilst this may have been the case a few years ago, it is not necessarily so today and costs are often shared between both sets of parents.

The bride’s father does, however, actually have the responsibility for the most enviable task of giving the bride away. He also receives the guests at the reception. In return he pays for the venue and catering, the wedding dress, the bridesmaids’ dresses, the cars (except the bridegroom’s), the photographer, the flowers for the church and reception, wedding stationery and press announcements.Traditionally, it is the bride’s mother who is in charge of all proceedings and catering arrangements.

The remaining costs are the responsibility of the bridegroom. These include the ring(s), the church fees, presents for the bridesmaids, the best man and the ushers and flowers for the bride, the bride’s mother, his own mother and the bridesmaids. He also pays for buttonholes for himself and the best man and arranges and pays for transport for him and the best man before the wedding and for himself and his bride afterwards.

Once it has been decided who pays for what, it is well worth drawing up a timetable for the big wedding day. This can form the basic check-list for all activities and helps to ensure that all events go according to plan. Within this timetable, all events from the service to the last record on the dance floor should be considered. As a guide, about 40 minutes should be allowed for the service with another 60 minutes for the photographer. To this must be added the time it will take to travel from the church to the reception venue. Further photographs and reception drinks at the wedding day venue will add almost another hour and following this is the line-up which can take anything from 15 minutes depending on the number of guests attending. The wedding banquet itself traditionally follows and 2 hours should be allowed for the meal, the cutting of the cake and speeches. Once these have finished, the wedding party has the option to retire which will allow proceedings to quieten down until the evening reception starts, usually about 7.30 pm.

On arriving at the reception, guests are generally offered an aperitif such as champagne, Pimms or the very popular Bucks Fizz. This is followed by the line-up. At the head will be the bride’s parents followed by the bride and groom, the groom’s parents, the bridesmaids and best man. The line-up ensures that both families have the opportunity to speak to all the guests, though conversation should be kept brief to avoid unnecessary queuing.

After the meal, the cake is cut by the bride and bridegroom and the speeches then follow. These begin with a toast to the bride and bridegroom. This is generally proposed by the bride’s father, but can be by a close relative or friend of the family. The bridegroom then responds with a toast to the bridesmaids before the speeches are brought to a close by the best man, who also reads any cards and emails.

An alternative, which is becoming more popular, is to have the speeches and toasts before the meal. This, at least, allows the more nervous speakers to enjoy the meal. If this is your option, then do let the caterers know in advance.

The top table usually consists of 10 people. Seated right to left facing the guests they are the best man, the chief bridesmaid, the groom’s father, the bride’s mother, the groom, the bride, the bride’s father, the groom’s mother and the remaining bridesmaids.

Obviously exact arrangements for each wedding day will vary from couple to couple. This is where the help from a wedding day consultant will prove invaluable. She will guide you gently through all aspects of your wedding so that you can relax and enjoy your big day.

The ‘Perfect Venue’ is very much decided by the type of wedding day you intend to have and how much your budget will allow you to spend. It can be anything from an elegant ballroom in an exclusive hotel or a marquee in the grounds of a stately home to a small intimate party in your favourite restaurant.

Venues such as hotels and restaurants often provide you with the complete package giving you everything you need to host your reception. If, however, you prefer to have your wedding reception in a marquee or your local hall, you may wish to engage the services of a wedding consultant to help you plan and organise all the services you will need to make your special day complete.

No matter what venue you decide upon, you will need to visit the various places and companies who cater for your requirements. When arranging these visits you should take note of the contact name, the telephone number and the address. You will also need to tell them the wedding date, the price range and number of expected guests. When you get home, make notes to remind you about the visit.

Questions to Ask:

• The venue’s hire fee and what is included in the price.
• The venue’s capacity (including chair and table availability).
• Are there overtime fees?
• What time can set-up begin?
• Who is responsible for cleaning up?
• How far in advance must reservations be made?
• How far in advance must menu and drink selections be made?
• How much notice is needed for the final guest count?
• What parking facilities are available?
• Is the dance floor large enough?
• Is it necessary to use the in-house caterer?
• How much is the deposit and when is it due?
• When is the balance payable?
• What is the cancellation policy?
• Is a security (damage) deposit needed, how much is it, when is it needed and when will it be refunded?
• Are there any special rules and regulations?

The months of planning are now over and one of the most important days of your life is about to begin. We have already covered the roles that the various people play and the following is a guide as to how they will fit in and how the wedding day should go.

A Church Wedding Day

The ushers will need to arrive at the church about 30 minutes before the wedding is due to start so that they are there when the first guests arrive. They should hand out the Order of Service sheets and show the guests to their seats bearing in mind that the bride’s family and friends sit on the left side of the church and the groom’s family and friends on the right. About 20 minutes before the start of the ceremony, the groom and best man should arrive. This will give the best man time to pay the fees to the minister. They both sit in the front pew on the right hand side of the church.

The bride’s mother travels to the church with the bridesmaids and remains with them in the porch until the bride arrives with her father, usually about 5 minutes before the start, although tradition has it that it is the bride’s prerogative to be late. However, do bear in mind the fact that the photographer will want to take photographs before the bride enters the church and there may be a service shortly after if it is a busy and popular church.

One of the ushers will show the bride’s mother to her seat and this is a signal to the congregation and the organist that the service is about to begin. The bride takes up her position at the entrance of the church and proceeds to walk down the aisle on the right arm of her father with the bridesmaids following. Once her father has safely delivered her to her future husband, he takes up his seat next to his wife. It is then that the service begins.

After the vows are taken, the best man hands the ring(s) to the minister before returning to his seat. They are then pronounced Husband and Wife and they traditionally have their first kiss as a married couple. As the minister proceeds to the altar, the couple join him for prayers which are then followed by a hymn and the final blessing before the couple go to the vestry for the signing of the register in the presence of two witnesses.
After leaving the vestry, they proceed down the aisle with the bride on the husband’s left arm. They are followed by the bridesmaids and page boys, the chief bridesmaid and the best man, the bride’s mother with the groom’s father and the groom’s mother with the bride’s father.
It is usual to have a photo session before driving off to the reception.

The Reception

Where to hold the reception is, perhaps, one of the most difficult decisions to make. Depending on your personal choice and your budget, you can choose from a wide range of wedding day venues such as a grand ballroom in a prestigious hotel, a marquee in the grounds of a stately home, a boat moored on your favourite river or an intimate restaurant which may well bring back memories.

Easiest to organise is probably the hotel as most of the facilities will be available as a matter of course. However, it is a good idea to have a meal there before booking and do have a good look around. The hotel manager or wedding day co-ordinator will be pleased to show you not only the venue, but also the accommodation should you or any of your guests decide to stay overnight.
Outside catering is a little more difficult. You will need to employ a reputable catering company and do check what you are getting for your money. Ideally, you will need a company which supplies the crockery, cutlery, table linen, cake stand and knife, chefs, waitresses/waiters and tastefully made decorations. This will ensure that you do not have to pay for those ‘add-ons’.

Decoration is an important part of the reception. The hotel will often recommend local companies who are able to add a little extra to the proceedings such as balloons. The actual style of the meal depends on what you feel comfortable with. It can range from a very elegant stand up affair with champagne and canapés, a formal silver-service sit-down meal or a beautifully presented buffet.

A seating plan is essential for a sit-down meal, but a reasonable amount of thought will be required to ensure that the guests are comfortable with each other. Remember, they have put themselves out to look smart for the occasion and some will have traveled considerable distances in order to help you celebrate your big day. A little consideration, therefore, with the plan goes a long way. In addition, you will need place cards and, as a gesture, it is customary to reward your guests with a small gift or favour. Do remember to give a copy of the seating plan together with the place cards to the organiser. That person will then ensure that the place cards are put in the order you would like people to sit.

Going Away

It is normal for the bride and groom to be the first to leave the reception.
If the bride has not already thrown her bouquet away, she can do so now.
Their departure is announced by the best man.

A Civil Ceremony

The civil ceremony in the register office is much shorter and takes 10-15 minutes. Licensed venues offer more opportunity to have readings and music. You are also already at the venue for the reception and they can provide accommodation for your wedding day party.

Once you have secured your booking at your chosen venue, you MUST contact the Register Office to ensure that the Superintendent Registrar is available on the day and time of your marriage.
You will then need to contact the Register Office where you both reside to arrange to give your legal notice of marriage. Generally, you can book the date with the Registrar up to 12 months before the date of your wedding day.